To Tube or Not to Tube...

31 Jan. 2010 Vang Vieng, Laos

A fine question posed to all those enter Laos. It will be on the entry visa paperwork soon, I reckon. The answer, not as simple to arrive at as one might first think. Considerable consideration must be taken before one does make the jump, or rather, drops in headlong via rope swing/zipline/dodgy tarpoline slide. Almost two years ago, when I was beginning my preliminary exploration into the idea of traveling to South East Asia, I had heard about "tubing" in Laos. Folks who had been to the region previous years told me of the fun to be had in Laos on a tube in river in the middle of the country. I had also heard rumours about it on the internet and in books and magazines. I can tell you this, at current, it is a thing that has reached phenomenon status among the traveling community, and for some it becomes a unquestioned stop in the itinerary, but for others it is avoided like Delhi fruit. But prey tell you say, what what is it?

Well, there is a river you see, north of the capitol of Vientiane, 3hr by bus, called the Nam Ou river that saunters its way southward and that finds itself foreground to quite the picturesque scene. Those same limestone formations that rise straight out to of the earth and stretch up for the sky that find themselves in so many a photographic opportunity across SE Asia provide much for the backdrop. The weather, a perfect mid to upper 80's. The town is a formerly sleepy little village called Vang Vieng. The locals, happy smiley Laos. The idea is the same in Laos than to that of any other tubed river in any other part of the world. Sun + beer + slow moving river + floating device = afternoon of terrific fun. The only difference being is that what has been created on the Nam Ou is something that before the mid 90's existed only in "dude, what if..." land. Yes, things like ziplines, swings, and slides have put on the shores of a river before but never in such concentration. Add to that what could be very well considered the most entrepreneurial endeavor for Laos people could be the addition of shore side bars. And not just a couple, but many, though, most are situated at the put in. Each bar coming equipped with their own massive sound system, rope attached to some high branch or bamboo poles, and bottomless bottles of "whisky." You float down and they toss you out a drink line, grab hold and your drinking copiously in no time. Occasionally, you rouse yourself to make a swing off a trapeze bar into the river below or are simply ready to float down to the next bar. Smiles all around. "You don't even need to rent a tube man. Just drink at the first couple bars and hang out." -tubing veteran. What's wrong with that?

It took us quite a long time to decide to get on that bus to Vang Vieng. Basically, Autumn and I decided only a night earlier that a go down the river might be worthwhile. We found ourselves contemplating the facts and discussing the event with everyone who had an opinion on the matter. For the past four months the closer I got to Laos the more advice I received and the more "Tubing in Vang Vieng" t-shirts I saw being worn around. A girl in Thailand said the scenery is beautiful and its a great way to enjoy the weather. A guy in Kuala Lumpur told me it was the most fun he has ever had, after completing a two week stay in the small tourist town and eventually acquiring simple employment at one of the resident bars. My own research had brought me to a conclusion that a trip down the river would probably make for a entertaining time, though the opposing viewpoint had plenty of supporters. Add in the fact that the voices of the kids who were telling me that "it was an awesome time" were those of recent university graduation age put me at odds with whole event. For New Years' eve I decided against the sorority/stag sloppiness that is the Koh Phangan full moon party and opted for Ko Phi Phi instead, and that turned out perfect. But what of my decision this time around?

Autumn and I arrived in Vang Vieng late in the evening 2 hrs past a quoted 3hr ride. The town itself is a single strip of hotels and guesthouses built to house the drunk and stupid interspersed by restaurants to put food into those same. We were wrangled into pretty much the first guesthouse that caught our eye and it fit neatly into our wallets. Our not so loose schedule had us being entertained in Vang Vieng for about three nights. So we chose the following morning to hit the river. During that morning's breakfast we were accompanied by a girl whom Autumn had befriended during a bus stop piss break a few nights before on the journey from Hanoi. Those breaks are never so pleasant for the female race and bonds form quickly among them if only to commiserate over the deplorable conditions. So the three of us had breakfast and discussed our ideas of the river. Then, just as we were winding things up, an Aussie couple approached, who knew our friend from days before from someplace else and a short polite conversation broke out. Eventually an accord was struck we had formed ourselves a tubing troupe. The Aussies were in their mid thirties and chill and the other girl was mid twenties and had never consumed a beer in her life, though, she was from London. Peculiar, I thought, but that was to end soon.

You put about six bucks into a tube rental and seven bucks into a tube rental deposit, jump into the covered portion of flatbed motorbike with canopy and rack for the tubes and you motor off a couple kilometers down the road north to the designated river entry. The river and the trip terminates alongside the town where, convienently enough, there are restaurants to fill your food hole. This is the framework. Tube, drink, fraternise, eat, crash. Sounds a little trashy, and it is a little trashy, but somewhere in all that trash there are nuggets of gold. And finding the gold is far easier than it sounds.

You can escape the idiots by getting past the first four bars, which means after a six minute float, you're clear. Soon, you have a nice little bamboo mat and shade all to yourself and your mates. Drink and converse and laugh and watch the locals do some of the most craziest shit off the rope swing. Then your nerve rises, or the alcohol kicks in, and you give it a go. Ascend the ladder about 15ft and swing....scream.....splash! What good fun. The sun does well to dry your swimwear but your exuberance douses them again with river water. All told there may be 20 or so bars eying your wallet through that waterproof bag around your neck. But the idea is to get back into town by 6pm to get your full deposit back. We missed it by 10 minutes. Maybe if we cut out just one bar, or swung on one less rope swing, or never came across those hilarious talking birds at that classic rock bar, then we would not have been penalized the 20,000 kip, or $2.50, ah regrets. The true weight of the experience lied within the serenity and utter beauty of our surroundings. For many of those damn fools with their blinders past their eyes and their girls skwaking absurdly into their ears the true beauty was lost. The river plotted us a course past these magnificent limestone walls. When we were sufficiently a few bends of the river past the nearest speaker thumping bar, you could hear the birds and float innocently away, with beer in hand of coarse, staring at a canvas that never moved. I spied local children spearfishing for tiny river fish that, once slayed, they would put into a Skippies jar. As sunset approached water buffalo made for the river and you would find yourself silently floating past a dozen beautiful black beasts of burden out for an evening dip. The massive things would bellow low range grunts and hmmphs just feet away as if to remind you that you were in Laos, as if it were necessary.

The real tug on the conscience happens when you see the Laos having to work so hard to keep up with demand of the eating and feeding and servicing of all the farang. They are really fun loving people who just want a life without stress and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. And I think that is why this tubing has become such a favorable destination among the westerners. Some make their entire vacation a trip to Vang Vieng. Its simply a tiny little slice of the Laos way of life when at play. The entire concept was born in the early 90's by some good time locals who decided that putting in up the river and floating through this terrific landscape was one hell of a quality way to spend a day. The thing just built from there. Swings were added and of coarse booze, the Laos love to drink. Then, as inevitable and unfortunate as time, the Lonely Planet caught wind and published a description of the scene and how to get there. Soon, heaps of foreigners were making their way via suggested itinerary to the river to play. A quiet little village in the middle of the country became a tourist destination, and tourists have money. I had several conversations with locals in an effort to try and get a pulse on what has become of their Vang Vieng. Most assuredly they are aware that they are the hardest working people in the whole of Laos. 13+hr days is common among those who are working in hospitality. And those in transport take a lot of guff from drunken simpletons. Add to that they have to bear witness to bare bodies making for the water. Which often can be a bit much for the older more modest locals. Though, for the young Laos, its something that just is. They are not a naive people who are locked away from the rest of the world. They know that this is an opportunity, one that they figure their parents never had. The incoming flow of money opens doors for possibilities that otherwise would be a dream, like traveling themselves. I think everyone of us has asked a local somewhere sometime or another if they have traveled anywhere and usually the answer is a smiling no, not possible, but I hope someday. So, they are now working hard, taking our money with a smile and living a different life. I asked a guy from Laos on the long bus from Hanoi what to do in Laos and the first thing he mentioned was Vang Vieng. He was headed their too, his vacation. They are proud that it has become world famous. The Laos love their rivers, they love their mountains, they love their life. And it's a love that you desperately you want to taste and hold in your cheek on for awhile. Yes it goes beyond simple admiration. You want to be Laos.